dude i'm inner monologue high
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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