I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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