When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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