weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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