This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I love having hate sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
