We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
