I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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