I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize