if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
