It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
