i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
