well I can't set my house on fire every night
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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