Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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