Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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