girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
