his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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