just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
