There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I feel like abortions should bother me more
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
