i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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