I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
