This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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