Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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