ugly people sure do ruin things
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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