I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
