i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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