my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
