I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
