I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
