Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
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I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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