Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
