Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.

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  (517): I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie. http://tfl.nu/vu4d
  Replies (7) Good night (1293) Bad night (506)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.

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  (305): I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it. http://tfl.nu/u417
  Replies (5) Good night (1673) Bad night (703)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Di me a solid and hit me with your car.

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  (715): Di me a solid and hit me with your car. http://tfl.nu/1rsf
  Replies (3) Good night (692) Bad night (2081)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?

  (541): View more from Oregon

  It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.

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  (509): My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that? (541): It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you. http://tfl.nu/ntpo
  Replies (15) Good night (782) Bad night (2408)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...

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  (313): is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad... http://tfl.nu/md38
  Replies (26) Good night (570) Bad night (4266)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob

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  (705): it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob http://tfl.nu/qlwy
  Replies (47) Good night (4858) Bad night (1857)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?

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  (203): I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision? http://tfl.nu/h84p
  Replies (33) Good night (1183) Bad night (12419)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

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  (410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv
  Replies (30) Good night (8194) Bad night (754)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.

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  (210): I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer. http://tfl.nu/a3pu
  Replies (8) Good night (3160) Bad night (615)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

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  (316): This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python. http://tfl.nu/dk7h
  Replies (20) Good night (2426) Bad night (577)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.

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  (541): I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom. http://tfl.nu/egj2
  Replies (6) Good night (1444) Bad night (439)
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  (+02): View more from

  I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods

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  (+02): I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods http://tfl.nu/ntv5
  Replies (1) Good night (981) Bad night (280)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.

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  (706): i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house. http://tfl.nu/5m3i
  Replies (1) Good night (529) Bad night (583)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE

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  (206): GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE http://tfl.nu/q0s7
  Replies (1) Good night (422) Bad night (141)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.

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  (469): He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am. http://tfl.nu/tu7g
  Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (145)

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