Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
