you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.