Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.

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  (208): I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid. http://tfl.nu/h0xq
  Replies (11) Good night (858) Bad night (2522)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
  Replies (43) Good night (5406) Bad night (1029)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...

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  (484): Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age... http://tfl.nu/y336
  Replies (63) Good night (3779) Bad night (2718)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.

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  (917): Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries. http://tfl.nu/38u7
  Replies (10) Good night (1082) Bad night (3259)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.

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  (225): walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans. http://tfl.nu/3s10
  Replies (24) Good night (5291) Bad night (930)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"

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  (540): you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out" http://tfl.nu/77z0
  Replies (17) Good night (5090) Bad night (1978)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?

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  (918): did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat? http://tfl.nu/7nmi
  Replies (7) Good night (1192) Bad night (2585)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick

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  (423): Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick http://tfl.nu/qnn8
  Replies (21) Good night (1565) Bad night (2207)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.

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  (513): Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone. http://tfl.nu/y1zp
  Replies (15) Good night (1693) Bad night (1069)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window

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  (847): Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window http://tfl.nu/ubwd
  Replies (2) Good night (493) Bad night (598)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me

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  (304): My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me http://tfl.nu/flmi
  Replies (4) Good night (695) Bad night (266)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

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  (330): ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL. http://tfl.nu/f5ew
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (343)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make

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  (480): It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make http://tfl.nu/me5f
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (386)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.

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  (904): All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night. http://tfl.nu/nzep
  Replies (16) Good night (423) Bad night (1850)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature

  (804): View more from Virginia

  that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw

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  (804): I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature (804): that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw http://tfl.nu/b92y
  Replies (0) Good night (520) Bad night (107)

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