Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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