Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.