I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
