apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.