i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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