I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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