I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
