I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
pray to the hookup gods
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
