I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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