there's paper in my vomit.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
