Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
