I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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