I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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