he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
