When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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