I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
