id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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