I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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