I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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