Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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