Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
