home. puking in laundry basket.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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