Dual....:-)
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
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I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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