I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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