so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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