connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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