I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
try to milk me bitch
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
