Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
