I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize