I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
