She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
