What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
