I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
