we have officially lost it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
