I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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