Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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