It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
