ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
