I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
