and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
