I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
